My life has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for the past four months. I have been feeling for a while that my life needed some changes. The biggest change that needed to happen was that of my job. I was frustrated, bored, and not getting anywhere. I kept looking at my job and everything thing I did there and thinking “Shouldn’t I be making more by now?” “Shouldn’t have I had a better position after 12 years with this company?” The frustrations were partly at myself for not seeing the value of my own worth and realizing that I had a lot to offer if only I would’ve taken more risks to put myself out there for different jobs. Don’t get me wrong I applied for other jobs within the company, but never got anywhere because I had made myself indispensable where I was. I knew going into this year that this was the year to make a change job wise. My husband had taken on all our health benefits so I could freely move on without worrying about my benefits at all.
At the beginning of this year we found out that my cousin was getting married in May, and I really wanted to be there. I put my job hunt on hold so that I could use my PTO and be at her wedding. As soon as I got back from that trip, I knew it was time for me to get serious about searching for a new job..but then I hit a roadblock, well several really. I found the fear and doubt of change much more of a formidable force that I expected. I didn’t sleep well for months trying to figure out what was next for me. I had received the advice multiple times to “Just start looking.” Anything to get me out of the rut I was in. I also felt guilt for leaving my co-workers who had also become my friends. I knew when I left things would get worse before it got better for them. In the end I had to remember that I needed to think about myself first, which is very hard for me to do, and follow the tug on my spirit that this was the time to move on.
I started applying to anywhere that sounded interesting. My one prayer was that God would open the door to where I need to go and close the doors to where He didn’t want me. Well for a while it seemed like he didn’t want me to go anywhere. I got multiple rejections. After a few weeks I finally gave into my husband prompts and applying at his work. He works at a financial institution and there were some entry level jobs open. I had thought I didn’t want to work at the same place as my husband again and that we should both have our separate workplaces. He has been doing so well there and really excelling. I didn’t want to feel like I was in his shadow or in competition with him. Finally I gave in and thought it didn’t hurt to try. Come to find out that was the only job that I applied for that called me back, gave me an interview, and OFFERED ME A JOB! In a matter of two weeks, I had a new job…which started a whole another roller coaster of emotions.
Telling my boss and co-workers was stressful. Most were very understanding and supportive. My last two weeks there flew by. I was saying goodbye to 12 years of service, driving routes, familiarity, comfort and most importantly friendships. It was hard, but exciting. My heart hurt to leave but was excited for something new. I gave myself no breaks between jobs. The horrible part was in the middle of all this I had a tooth that was causing me a great deal of pain. After getting it looked at the dentist said the nine year old root canal had failed and was now cracking up the tooth. I needed to have it pulled, and quickly. My last day at Nationwide was a Thursday; I had oral surgery to pull the bad tooth on Friday, used the weekend to rest and recover, and started my new job on Monday... what a crazy weekend!
I will share more about my new job next week, but making the decision to move forward was a hard one. I struggled a lot with not know what to do. If you are in the same situation let me offer you some food for thought, “If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got.” –Albert Einstein. Have the courage to see your worth, step out of your comfort zone, and make a move. Can it really get any worse? Can you really be unhappy and unsatisfied the rest of your life? Change is hard, but so is staying where you can’t grow.